You Are My Sunshine

Dear Grace,

My dear sweet girl….I want to tell you again and again how much I love being your mom.  I can’t say loved because you will always be my girl and I’m always going to be proud that you are mine.  I visit you everyday at your grave.  Oh how I wish you knew how much I think of you and talk to you.  I have a coin in the ground still that has been there for 6 months that says ‘always with you’.  I say I’m always with you Grace and you are always with me.  I sing the song I used to sing to you at bedtime, ‘You are My Sunshine’. The odd time I will find a feather when I’m visiting you and I tell myself that it’s from you.  I ache to talk to you and hold you.  We all miss you so very much.  I love being your mom and I’m so very proud of you.  You are an inspiration to me.  You have always been an inspiration to me and that will never change.  I was always so proud of you growing up.  You amazed me from day one.  Growing up you were so full of spunk and even through 11 months of fighting for your life, that spunk remained.  You are also an old s
oul that all adored.  I will never forget when your bladder was failing and you were trying so hard to pee.  You said to me in your 9 year old voice, “Mom, thanks for being there for me, I couldn’t have done it without you.” Those words will never be forgotten Grace. There are no words that could describe how much I miss you.  There simply aren’t any words appropriate enough for how much and deeply you are missed.

I miss our snuggle times.  There was nothing like a Grace hug.  I always try really hard and block everything out so that I can just try and almost feel your arms wrapped around me.  I do that with your hand too.  We held hands every night before bed and often all night long.  God, I love you Grace.  They say when you love deeply, you grieve deeply.  Boy, my love is so deep. My love for you will continue forever.  I can’t wait to see you.  I have to believe we will be together again someday Grace.  I need you like I need air.  I miss you more than words can describe.

I’m grateful to be your mom.  I’m so lucky you are my daughter.  I’ll always be your mommy.

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